Cousin's Wedding

Today is my cousin's wedding. Yet a part of me wishes to congratulate my cousin while the other just dun like such functions. There hhave been already a number of weddings where my relatives got married and i skipped! When I was younger, my aunt (cousin's mum) would baby-sit me while both my parents would be working. Haiz.. should i go?? It also makes me wonder if I should have a grand wedding cos' my relatives have not have such grand weddings... so far, it has been a small scale.

Fyi, with my family relatives, I am very quiet. very quiet, most of the times, there would be no conversations.When I was younger, I was more talkative and interactive with my cousins but as years passed, i became more quiet and remote. My relatives are not as well-off as me... as a young child i always have almost everthing i have... unlike my relatives... but of cos, I will always share my toys with my cousins. Those times were great.At times, playing soccer together. When they come to my house, I will let them play my computer games, but they know that they must seek my permission. hehehe.

Somehow, a part of me felt remorse, that my life has been blessful so far if compared to them,while their lives are met with challenges - divorces, etc. I know my relatives might perceive me as arrogrant that i dun talk to them, but its nv like that... i dun like to converse in Malay for one thing, and basically have few things to talk with them. Deep inside,I know they know this.

I am used to getting teased by my relatives, somehow they have a higher expectations for me. They will asked me when I am taking my driving license, if not car, bike... den i will tease them back that, mine a bit special, taking the airplane license and they will all laugh.

This cousin of mine is a bit special actually. I treat my cousin's mum and divorced dad as my stepmother and stepfather. Part of upbringing is because of them. When I heard that my stepfather divorced my stepmother, I was very sad and refused to believe it. But it happened. A part of me is also afraid to meet my stepfather for I might be angry for him doing that.Will I call him 'Ayah' (Father) as I used to be. This is how close I used to be with stepmother and stepfather that i even called them my Mak Yu (Mother) and 'Ayah' (Father). They taught me how to be strong and always tell me that my parents love me so much that they are working hard for a better life during my younger days. I will then, tell my small brother and protect him during the young days. Those were the old good days. I missed them very much. *weeping silently*

I know my presence will be greatly missed if I dun come to the wedding by my stepmother and cousin. Decided to go in the end...